[Kathryn Vandermast]

I work for Shalom House Inc. located in Portland and I am the manager of a group home for those struggling with mental illness. I am always looking for ways to better help both my clients and my staff be successful and flourish.

[Kathryn Vandermast]

1. Going into this exercise I thought I had made a mistake in pouring a cup of coffee for myself prior to beginning. I had only taken one sip of the coffee so I could still taste it in my mouth and when I began the exercise I kept thinking about my coffee. Once the wave exercise began, I found that it was helpful to have this very present and real craving to understand if the mindfulness meditation could in fact help me ride the wave of the urge for caffeine at 2pm in the afternoon. One reason that this exercise worked for me was for the same reason the thought diffusion exercise worked for me and that is because water and nature are what I use to alleviate my suffering. Imagining myself continuing to ride the wave brought my body into a place of peace and away from the thoughts of my craving because I could feel the weight of my body being lifted as it is when you are floating on the ocean. The urge would pop back into my head, but I could just return to floating on a wave. Sadly, I did end up drinking that cup of coffee when I was done but it did make me think about the possibility of not pouring that cup at 2pm and trying mindfulness instead because I did feel more alert after. It made me realize that in the beginning stages of recovery one may have to utilize this meditation frequently and understand those times when the craving is more real. If you smoke and you know you want to smoke after you eat then after finishing the meal attempt this exercise and see if that urge can be overcome, then the next hurdle after a stressful interaction, attempt this exercise rather then the cigarette. Addiction is so much more then a chemical dependence and there are all these stressors in life that cause someone an urge so having this as a tool can allow someone to be proactive with their urges and tackle them as soon as it is understood that there is a likelihood of them surfacing.
2. After trying all the exercises I decided to discuss the “feeling emotion without judgement” one because that is the exercise, I got the most reward out of physically. I thought I would prefer the thought diffusion because that is often what I do to quickly go into a more mindful state in that I will picture myself in my favorite spot in nature. I found when I did that 2nd exercise on my own simply following the directions of the exercise that it was effective, but I did not like the guided version because I didn’t necessarily want to do a full body scan and I wanted to be able to choose my location mentally. I once again struggled with the loving mindfulness exercise because of the need to continue back to specific words or phrases. When I did the feeling emotions without judgement, I was able to take a word such as sadness which I had been feeling as we crawl towards the end of winter but as I felt it throughout my body, I did not feel sadness in a negative way, I felt it as a warmth through my body and I was able to let it go. I felt relaxed and at peace with the feeling which is not what I had expected going into the exercise. I could see this being useful for people who struggle with anxiety and depression and over time someone who may struggle with trauma, but maybe not at the beginning stages of trauma work when feelings are so raw but as a clinician might begin introducing coping skills around a person’s trauma.
3. I have really enjoyed exploring all the different exercises and I really appreciated you sharing your own story because that helped me to see mindfulness in practice from the perspective of someone who utilized it on their journey and felt the profound advantages of it. I have learned that I have a lot of work I need to do within myself to lean into my own suffering and accept that there is pain and discomfort in life, and I can’t do things to avoid it I have to learn how to accept it and let it go. When reading other people’s comments, it’s so interesting to see how all these exercises impacted people so differently. One that I may have really disliked others found very effective which enhances in my mind the importance of the relationship you have with the people you are working with and understanding that there isn’t one version to approach mindfulness for all but the exercise you choose needs to make sense for the person you are working within that moment in time. What really needs to happen before I start attempting this practice with others is that I need to practice it in myself. I am someone who has always needed to believe in what I’m selling so I have to make mindfulness a part of my day to day, have the ability to recognize how it may be benefitting me before I am going to start trying it with anyone I work with however through this training I have recognized the potential for significant benefits and have every intention of making the commitment to myself so that I may bring it into the lives of others.

[Kathryn Vandermast]

1. I found myself moving away from the soft belly and just focusing on my breathing. I understand that the soft belly suggests that you are opening up your breathing but I did not like returning my focus to the soft belly. When I just allowed myself to focus on my breathing and not return focus to that I became much more relaxed.
2. I did not have a good experience with this mindfulness exercise. I felt that it opened my mind up to negative thoughts which I hadn’t been thinking about prior. To force my brain back in to saying “May I accept myself completely as I am right now” suggested to my thoughts that I hadn’t been accepting myself as I am going into this exercise. It was triggering for me, and I couldn’t overcome going to the dark side of my brain when my thoughts did wander. I went to suffering when I hadn’t been having and I couldn’t ease my body into accepting my suffering. I’m realizing as we try all these different exercises that for myself, as someone who has not practiced mindfulness as extensively as I should that simplicity is best for me initially which is what leads me into question 3 in that I think there needs to be steps in mindfulness for both myself and the people that I serve. As the lesson discussed when we as clinicians practice mindfulness within ourselves then it makes us far more capable of remaining present and connecting to our clients. Until I have practiced these and found my own comfort in them and my own comfort in “alleviating the suffering associated with pain” as Patricia commented then I should not attempt to use them with a client. I need to start simply with myself just as I will need to start simply with my clients and over time the benefits will be more apparent.
3. So yes, I could see both these exercises benefiting someone struggling with addiction because they both have the capacity to center the brain and with the second one the potential to pull someone’s brain away from self-deprecating thoughts but until I am comfortable with them myself, as a clinician they will benefit nobody. If I were to try the 2nd one with a client today it would not be authentic. I appreciate this lesson because as we’ve gone through this course I’ve thought “sure I could try any of these and see the benefit” but this was a reminder of whether I should until I’ve done more practice within myself with each exercise and leaning into my own acceptance of suffering and pain.

[Kathryn Vandermast]

Question 1: I really enjoyed the physical experience with the body scan meditation. With last week’s assignment I didn’t do the meditations lying down because at the various times I was able to practice, my dog was present and felt I was lying down for her but this week I was able to practice both meditations without distraction. It made me realize that part of my challenge with meditation is finding the right space and time to do it in. Lying down took a lot of pressure of spots in my body and distributed my weight so that as I was moving across my body I could better focus on each individual area. I did still require the audio to help me but with more practice this feels like a meditation I could benefit from on a regular basis without guidance. With the focus on parts of the body if I had a sensation in another area of the body, I was able to bring my mind back to the area in focus and not linger on the other sensations that initially distracted me. This contributed to more flexibility of thought because I didn’t get upset or concerned when my body wandered and was able to slowly bring my brain back to the area of the body I was focusing on. I was able to stay in the present and felt very relaxed by the end.

Question 2: I must admit, I didn’t think I would like the second exercise of focusing on a particular object but was pleasantly surprised by the benefits I did gain from it. It did force my brain to focus on one thing. In that process I didn’t realize how focused I was on that object but when the guided exercise was over, I felt calm. When I first began to focus on the object, I did find it difficult to think of ways to describe it, but I just kept returning my thoughts to the object rather than worrying about the descriptive words. When I picked it up and touched it, I chose to close my eyes and I found that this helped me to really focus on what I was feeling. I also found that smelling the object was interesting because I chose an object that I am around nearly every day, and I didn’t realize how many different smells it had. Initially I struggled to not have an opinion on the smell good or bad because up close and personal, the object didn’t smell great but once I could detach any judgement around the odor it brought me back to the present and to the object. The object did continuously bring me back to the present.

Question 3: I could see using both in my clinical work. What I liked about the object focus exercise is that it could bring you into the present quickly. I didn’t feel like I needed to get my body into the perfect position before starting the exercise because I so immediately focused on the object that I wasn’t noticing any discomfort. It just felt like you could do this exercise a little more impromptu which would be good in mental health where sometimes you may be trying to quickly divert a person’s attention away from negative thoughts and into the present. I could also see it being helpful when it comes to substance use disorder when someone may be having cravings. As you may start to feel the impulse to drink and the craving is there, a person could quickly find an object to focus on and put all the attention onto the object rather than the craving in the hopes that once you have spent time focusing on that object in the present, and pull your brain away from thinking about the craving then the craving will have passed or at least subsided through the calming nature of the exercise.

I find that the body scan could be very useful in reducing stress and anxiety, but it may not always work in a therapeutic setting unless modified. It requires a little more work in finding the right space because I do think this exercise was better for me lying down then when I have done it in the past sitting. It seems like the person would need to have a lot of trust in their therapist b/c there is a vulnerability to lying down with eyes closed but if a safe space is created it could be very beneficial. It has a very calming effect on the body and is something that I feel a person could do easily without guidance and can be done at times when peace my be necessary such as when a person goes to bed. Often with stress and anxiety as soon as a person lies down at night that is when their brain starts going and all the events of the day or potential events of the future start swirling so it seems like that would be a good time to use the full body scan.

[Kathryn Vandermast]

Question 1: I believed that I would prefer the breath counting meditation because I thought that the counting would prevent my brain from wandering as easily but I found myself having a very difficult time relaxing into the meditation. I was very aware of the soreness of my body, my clothing on my skin, and couldn’t get comfortable with my breathing. The counting during inhales and exhales caused my breathing to be inconsistent and shallow. I found my brain wandering to when the exercise would be done. I did use the audio as well and that was better for me. I intend to continue trying this meditation to see if it may have alternative effects with practice, but this is the first time I have participated in this form of meditation. Typically, when I have done meditation, it has been centered around awareness of breath not counting of breath. I would not say that this meditation calmed or stabilized my mind but rather caused it agitation.
Question 2: I found the basic mindfulness meditation to be more enjoyable for me. I did utilize the audio because that is how I am used to meditating and once I could stop thinking about a number and just focus on pushing away my thoughts in my own organic way, I was more able to relax and enjoy the process. I found my body settling into my aches and pains more easily so that I wasn’t fidgeting and spending time getting comfortable as I was in the first exercise, and I was able to bring my brain back to center by focusing on my breaths. I think that my mind does require some structure in a soothing voice guiding me towards my breaths since I am a novice when it comes to meditation.
Question 3: Both meditations work towards preventing the mind from wandering to other thoughts and outside noise through a focus on breath however the second one, for me allows the brain more ways to return to center. It can be a voice in my mind telling me to come to back to my breath rather than a number that I am expected to return to. I would imagine that integrating either of these meditations into clinical work would require understanding the mind of the consumer that you are working with. Both meditations can allow the possibility of structure, but one creates a finite structure while the other allows different methods to bring the brain back to center. I think it depends on the personality of the individual in determining which meditation to utilize but when the right one is found then I think they would be useful in the de-escalation process provided the consumer isn’t so escalated that their frontal lobes have shut down. I have incorporated breathing with residents when I have been guiding them away from crisis but if I were to practice one of these forms of meditation with them when they are not escalated and they were already comfortable with what to do than it may be easier for them to participate in a meditation when they are escalating.

[Kathryn Vandermast]

Hello, my name is Kathryn Vandermast, and I manage a mental health facility for Shalom House Inc. in Portland. I am always trying to develop ways to better incorporate mindfulness into the lives of the residents at my facility and also into the lives of my staff who struggle with their own self-care. I am hoping this course will provide me with more tools and force me to continue practicing mindfulness in my own life so that I may be more present for my program.

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